We see it every day, crews of city workers line the streets to pump water. What are they hiding? What are they trying so desperately to cover up? Why the secrecy? A source who wishes to remain anonymous for their own safety believes to have uncovered the truth;

The City of Cranbrook is sinking.

Venice, Vancouver, Shanghai, New York, Cranbrook. It is only a matter of time before our city will become a lost city. Mayor and Council would have us believe that the city is flooding due to melting snow, but look around, there is no more snow. The truth is out there. Are our streets cracking because of freezing and thawing? Or are they cracking from the ground slowly falling away into the sea?

We interviewed a resident expert on all things who also wishes to remain anonymous, and when asked about the fact that Cranbrook is slowly sinking, he said “Maybe”. If that is not enough to convince you, I don’t know what is.

There are a sizeable amount of deer grazing the highlands of Gold Creek, the wildlife seem to be aware of some impending disaster. It won’t be long before vehicles will become obsolete in Cranbrook, we have already seen images of citizens canoeing in parts of the city, on the front page of Cranbrook’s largest newspaper! From Pop Price Park, to the lake that closed access to 38th Ave S, to Elizabeth Lake, the evidence of Cranbrook’s inevitable collapse into the ocean is all around us.

In photos overlaying areas of Pop Price Park to the Venice Canals, you can see the uncanny resemblance.


They don’t want us to uncover the conspiracy They don’t want us to release this story. They don’t want you to know the truth.


By the way, this is satire in case you missed it…